How I Met Your Father
by EmeraldFire90
Summary: REUPLOADED! Charleeze Malfoy, middle child and only daughter of Rose and Scorpius Malfoy, is unbeknownst on a quest to find the love of her life. Not narrated like the show but a story of Hermione's granddaughter as she navigates through life and general cynicism of all things love.
1. Chapter 1

**_Reuploaded this because I needed to tweak a couple things. Same story, plot, characters, etc. Enjoy!_**

**_Disclaimer: JK Rowling is the brains behind the operation. I'm just working some of the machines._**

_Chapter 1_

I was 17 and a bit years old when I first met the love of my life. But it wouldn't be until I was 27 when anything was done about it. Many people in my family thought I was just a late-bloomer (or would otherwise turn out like my great Uncle Charlie who never got married but did have one boy well into his 40s with a Muggle who died in child birth) because I had not yet felt that intense magical feeling flow through my veins indicating I have found 'the one'. They all thought it was the boy I was best friends with throughout my time at Hogwarts, Zachary Wood. Hell, even we thought that, which was why we gave it a try during sixth year. But alas, he found his love during seventh year after the Headmaster implemented the exchange programme with Beauxbatons. She's a great girl, honestly, unbelievably and inhumanly pretty and I really am happy for him. Perhaps that would explain my lack of interest in him, myself? Still, I was his Best Woman, and am now the Godmother to their two children.

My grandmother, Hermione Granger-Weasley and my mother, Rose Weasley-Malfoy, found their loves during their times at Hogwarts, and both of their stories are ridiculous. Who the hell fights that much as teenagers and claims they are friends and eventually, lovers? I was always having fun with Zachary! However, the day after graduation from Hogwarts found us at the Leaky Cauldron enjoying a pint together with his girlfriend of nearly nine months and a mutual girl friend of ours, Willa, who, by the way, was already chatting.

"It's gonna be sad, leavin' that place. We literally went through puberty in there," she said, her eyes glossed over with reminiscence and Firewhiskey.

"Leave it to Willa to remember the important things of Hogwarts." I roll my eyes, taking another long swig of my own Firewhiskey. "How about you? What do you remember most, Zach?"

"Oh, I can certainly tell you…" he looked lovingly at Iva, his French girlfriend, sitting next to him, who in response, blushed under his intense gaze.

I immediately regretted the question. "I get it, you're in love. Don't rub it in for the rest of us."

"Oh, Charleeze, you vill find your prince ven ze sun is up and your 'eart is centered." Iva took my free hand in hers, her eyes filled with compassion for my well-being, but I'm pretty sure that's the Firewhiskey.

"Tha's a little too poetic fir our dea', Charlie," came the voice of my ex-boyfriend from the beginning of sixth year, Thomas Watson, from behind me. He slapped a hand on my shoulder, shaking my drink enough to where it spilled.

"Oi! That's my drink you just spilled! You owe me a new one, eh."

"Like hell, I do! This girl, no idea what she's in for these days. Good shag, I won't deny butcha gotta keep your head down, it'll be good for ya." He winked at me. What a fucking bastard! I throw my fist in his face and he catches it, holding it high above my head where his own shoulder meets my elbow. "Still a feisty one. Want another shag?"

I'm gonna kill him! "You fucking arsehole."

"You _do_ want to shag! You're only this angry when you want a good fuck!" He grins at me with relish, and it's so unfortunate that I'm shit-faced, I don't know what I'm doing until I realize I'm in the back alley with my pants off, my face pressed against the stone wall, getting shagged relentlessly from behind by my ex-boyfriend from the beginning of sixth year. I can feel his tight, muscular Quidditch body rubbing deliriously against my own warm, muscular Quiddtich back. I feel a whack on my left butt-cheek and am thrown to my knees and he stands in front of me and forces his prick into my mouth. I swallow everything he gives me and when I don't stand up immediately, he holds out his hand and says, "Just like I remember when we were sixteen. You were delicious then, you're fucking unbearable now."

"The fuck's that mean?" I look him in the eye as I button my trousers.

"It means I never thought you would be who you are today. You literally just let me shag you in a deserted alleyway, where anyone could see us."

"I'm still drunk. Only way I could've let you inside me again."

"I think we should do this again."

"Ya think?" I look at him, expectantly.

"Absolutely. I meant what I said. You're a great shag."

"You said I'm good."

"Well, you're great. I don't want to share that with anyone, yet."

We walk back into the pub and Zachary looks at us, all disheveled, and heartily laughs. I blush furiously and smack him on the head. "Shut up."

Iva looks at him and says, "She's right, you know."

"Thank you, Iva. At least someone is on my side."

"Ve gals must steeck togeza." She smiles at me and I smirk back.

Then I feel a squeeze on my arse and turn around to see that stupid-arse ex of mine still hovering over me. He is at least eighteen inches taller than me and his muscles make him look like a Muggle rugby player. He may be a wicked cunt by personality, but certain parts of his anatomy make me shiver even thinking about it. Maybe I _will_ keep him around a while…

I sit down and Thomas goes to the bar to order us a couple more drinks. Anymore of this and I'll be completely useless, even at sex. He comes back 'round and sits down with the four of us. Willa looks at Thomas curiously but I don't ask why. But then my unasked question is answered, "Thomas, how big are you?"

This simple question invokes ridiculous reactions from all of us expect Thomas. He puts the Firewhiskey he had to his mouth down on the table and looks at her with an eyebrow raised, "What do you mean?"

"Your body. How tall are you and how much do you weigh?" Willa asks unblushingly. Obviously she has no idea what her question sounded like.

"Oh. I'm six feet, seven inches. Just about twenty stone."

"Bloody hell, you're massive," I look at him in awe.

"That's right." He winks at me and I shiver.

Just then we hear a fight break out on the other side of the pub and we turn to look at the interruption. A slightly muscular man with flaming red hair and a Firewhiskey gut has acquired a bloody nose from a very tall and slender man with long brown hair in a ponytail. Both men look completely pissed and the ginger has a younger girl (looks like someone we graduated with just yesterday) trying to get him to walk away but he shoves her off and walks out of the pub anyway before the bar-keep can say anything. The man with the brown ponytail looks around awkwardly, but also leaves the pub. What I wouldn't know until years later is that the ginger would eventually be my husband and the father of my four children.


	2. Chapter 2

Just reuploading. No changes to characters, plot, story, etc.

Disclaimer: JK Rowling is the brains behind the operation. I'm just working some of the machines.

_Chapter 2_

A week later, I found I was exclusive, once again, with Thomas Watson but never did I feel that magical feeling in the proceeding three months we remained so. However, I did not mind this, all things considered. There was once when I thought he was going to propose and I was prepared to give him a well-rehearsed speech as to why it would be a very bad idea, indeed, if we got married. We're fantastic together in bed, the chemistry was obviously there in that way, but to say that we got along more times than not would be a flat out lie. His jealousy was ridiculous but then he would turn around and dance provocatively and flirt with other women, right in front of me, no less! Almost everything that mattered in life like marriage, kids, questioning whether Merlin existed or not, and who should be appointed Minister of Magic, we completely disagreed on.

However, three months into our re-relationship, a very important and very great bit of news was brought to our attention. This was when we found just how very different we are…

I hear a rapid knock at my flat door and when I open it, Iva throws herself at me and screams, "'e proposed! Zachary and I are going to be married!"

My eyes widen at the shock of the size of the magically enhanced diamond placed delicately on her milky-white, bony finger. I am speechless. Zachary getting married? I hadn't ever thought of such a thing… (Perhaps because we were only going on eighteen at the time.)

Zachary follows a few seconds behind her with a couple of bottles of wine and Firewhiskey and has the biggest smile on his face as he's pouring everything. "Zach?" I say as he's pouring my glass of wine.

He looks up, acknowledging he heard me.

"Can I talk to you a minute?" I ask, wringing my hands together instead of taking the glass he's offered me.

"Sure, what's going on?" He takes a swig of his wine.

"Are you-" I sigh and try to collect my thoughts in a nano-second's time. I look him in the eye this time. "Are you sure about this?"

"About marrying Iva or marriage in general?" He looks at me curiously, immediately guessing where I'm headed with this conversation.

"Well, both, I guess."

"Of course, I am. I've always wanted to get married, even if I never vocalized it, and Iva is the only woman who's ever given me that feeling. We're compatible on so many levels and I'm so comfortable with her, it makes me want to cry sometimes. But I don't, of course." He adds quickly, looking at the smirk on my face. "I guess what I'm saying is, I know I've only been with her for a year, but when you know, why wait? Of course, we have lots of time together but I want to spend it all legally and eternally bound to her."

I shiver. "Eternally. That just gives me chicken-skin."

"Obviously you're either not made for marriage or you're not ready, yet."

"I wouldn't say I'm not made for marriage but we're only eighteen, Zach. Haven't you thought about that? What did your parents say when you announced it?"

"Well, considering they were only sixteen when they got engaged and seventeen when they married, they were, and are still, just about over the moon with the news. My dad still can't understand how I managed to score a part-Veela." He laughs.

I half-smile at him. Well, he seems pretty happy. Perhaps I should just let them have their fun. If, in time, they find they are not suited for marriage, then I'll know I'm right, and that marriage isn't for anyone.

Oh, how very wrong I would find myself to be…

I sit down on the sofa next to Iva, who, of course, starts chatting away about centerpieces and bridesmaid dresses when Zach stands up from the Muggle La-Z-Boy and looks me in the eye. We both stop what we're doing and look back at him. Iva starts grinning wildly, as if she knows what's about to happen. He holds out his glass to me and I look at him, on my guard. He says, "I've thought about everything, the pros and cons. I've talked to Iva and she absolutely loves the idea, and to be honest, I've come to find that there's no one I'd rather have by my side at my wedding than you, Charlie. You've been my best friend for seven years and will remain so until one of us is dead." He and Iva laugh.

I raise an eyebrow. "What're you-"

"Will you be my Best Woman?"

My jaw drops. "Uh…"

They both look at me expectantly and I want to kill Zach for putting me on the spot like this! I'm not made for pressure! Just look at my mother and my granddad!

"Are you, sure, about this?" I ask, slowly. "I have to like, come up with the Stag night and all that rubbish. I'm not very good at planning things, my brothers got those genes."

He looks at me seriously this time and I feel a shiver down my spine. He's never serious… "Charlie, please, you're the only person I could think of asking. Even my own brother is not as close to me as you are. I'm just lucky I found a woman willing to understand that fact."

Iva turns to me and takes my hand in both of hers. "Eet vould mean ze world to bote of us."

I look at her and then at him, and am about to give my 'yes' when we hear another knock at the door. Zachary opens it and Thomas is standing there, soaking wet and covered in blood.

"Bloody hell! What happened!?" Zach and I say in unison.

Thomas walks in, takes the bottle of Firewhiskey and downs it all in about five seconds, puts the bottle back down on the counter, and goes into my bath and turns on the shower.

Iva, Zach, and I all just stand there, completely mystified. I decide to wait it out with them and give them my 'yes' and we all hug.

When Thomas comes back out twenty minutes later, he's wearing nothing but a towel that fits only me, wrapped around his waist. Iva blushes intensely and looks away, but I continue admiring his largely-built, hard body and hairy chest. Honestly, the man dwarfs me. The towel starts just inches above his pubic region and ends well above his knees. Everything about him screams 'MANLY' and I can't help the inevitable, hot feeling brewing deep within me. I need him now and he can see it. Clearly he is still pissed and so drops the towel and his nine incher dangles in mid-air, waiting for me devour. Zach yells out, "Oi! My fiancée is here!"

Thomas growls, never taking his eyes off me, "Oh, boil yer head, eh? I'm a randy fuckin' bastard and I need a woman."

I keep my own eyes on Thomas while I bid Zach and Iva goodbye and follow him to the bedroom. Once there, he yanks my hair so my face will be inches from his and fiercely kisses me. I return the gesture and he easily picks me up and throws me onto the bed. I only have on a thigh-length sundress and lacy knickers. He gently takes off my dress and kisses me down my body, pausing only to tease my nipples and lick my navel. He takes off my knickers with his teeth and proceeds to lick, suck, and kiss my excited quim, to the response of my moans. When he's done pleasuring just me, he moves up and without a word, slides himself inside me and with each thrust harder, comes a scream and a guttural moan from my own mouth. He lifts my legs up over his shoulders and shoves in deeper. I can almost feel him in my damn throat! After a while of him heaving above me and switching various positions, he spills his seed onto my stomach and I wash up in the loo. When I come back into the bedroom, he's still laying there, playing with his prick, which is still erect, and looks at me, expectantly. Clearly, he's ready for round two. I, however, have something else in mind.

"Tom, what do you think of marriage?" I ask, laying down next to him, proceeding to play with my own nipples.

His eyebrows perk up. "I'm in favor of it. Why do you ask?"

"When do you plan to do all that marriage and kids nonsense?" I ask, now playing with my navel.

"Are you only freaked out because of Zach and Iva?" He looks at me, concerned.

"You barely knew what was going on. Are you still drunk?" I look him in the eye.

"I heard him say fiancée and I assumed the announcement had just been made."

"Well anyway, answer my question."

"I am ready now. I have a weird goal to be married with at least two kids by age twenty-five. I shouldn't have too much of a problem finding someone, though. Just look at me." He winks at me and I smack him on the arm. It's true, though, I don't know what sane woman wouldn't have him. He has the kind of body that could make any woman faint, and could probably produce insanely healthy, intelligent babies. But ever since the beginning of sixth year, the end of our first-time-around relationship, I knew he wasn't the one for me. And it's pretty selfish that I've been keeping him from someone who I know has been eyeing him for a long time.

"Well, you won't find that you achieve that goal with me."

"And why not?"

"Because I'm not marriage material. I may have a kid or two well into my 30s or what have you, but I will never be married. I don't want to be married."

"But what if you change your mind?"

"I won't change it soon enough."

"Well, that's too bad. What are we doing now, then, if not dating before all that 'marriage and kids nonsense'?"

"Having a lot of incredible sex." I smile, stroking his penis, which pulses at my touch.

"Well, you've got that right." He kisses me hard on the mouth and pulls me onto him. My quim swallows his prick and I proceed to ride him like a hippogriff for the next two hours.

When we're done, he looks at me and says, "Well, I can't have sex without commitment and after this conversation, I know you can't give any to me."

"I know someone who might be interested."

"Oh yeah?" He leans his head on his hand, propped up on his elbow, using his other hand to trace circles around my nipples.

"Willa O'Brien."

"Willa O'Brien, eh?" He stops touching me.

"She's had a thing for you since before sixth year. She never told me until a few weeks ago and that's why she never vocalized her dislike of our relationship during Hogwarts."

"I wish I'd have known this a long time ago." He repositions to lie on his back.

"Why is that?"

"I wanted her in sixth year, not you." He closes his eyes.

Oddly, I feel a tug on my heart. I may not love this man but I certainly like him. Knowing that I'm the second choice, have been for a couple of years now, hurts.

"W-why didn't you just go with her, then?"

"Because you were more talkative. Ironic, isn't it? I barely speak myself. Maybe that's why Willa and I never had a thing going."

"Honestly, that's a very good assessment and reason. And I think you should give her a chance."

He looks at me with very serious eyes, "I will. Thank you for letting me know."


End file.
